Can of worms

Do you ever start something simple and realise what you thought was simple is in actual fact a huge ginormous can of worms?!

That’s me this week having opened a book to write up some notes. I read the book months ago but wanted to have the notes somewhere in all one place. As I went throught the book I was reminded again about the power of the things in the book and how it spoke so clearly into my life.

Made to Crave (which I’ve mentioned in previous posts) is a book which turns dieting and weightloss away from just a health or physical thing and rightly positions it to be an act of disciple with and obedience to God. Our bodies are a temple of God and we should look after and respect our bodies are just that – a dwelling of God.

Some key things started jumping back out of the book at me, things I’ve pushed aside or forgotten. One particular thing was about how we view our bodies and what they are worth. I think it comes down to value. And that is what I time and time again fail to grasp.

But as I thought this evening I began to wonder whether actually I do grasp this but it’s my habit that stops me from feeling it or believing it. Am I so ingrained in the belief that I’m not loveable that it’s go to thought process? Do I actually believe that or do I in actual fact believe that I am loved by God just-as-I-am? Is it not so much the belief I can’t grasp as the habit i cannot seem to break?!

And this is where my can of worms remains… More thoughts and ideas, more room for God to speak but still no sureness on how to step forward and how to break this emotion that stops me from living fully loved and working out of that place. The past? A habit? A scar? A trap? A lack of experience? Not enough feeling? All of the above?!

I am neck deep in my can of worms!

Like learning to ride a bike

Have you ever tried to teach someone to ride a bike? I hadn’t really until today.

We got our three year old a bike with stabilisers for giving up his dummy and so we now start the process of learning how to do it. He happily asks to have the bike out from the garage, puts on the helmet, climbs on the bike and then he just sits on with his feet on the pedals going nowhere fast, or at all to be honest!!

I tried to help. It wasn’t pretty. It was the end of a long day with the kids and my patience was low, maybe bike riding should not be a post 6pm activity! Anyway he would put his feet on the pedal and push one foot down and start to move which sounds and looks promising. He would then take his foot off the pedal that he next needed to push to keep moving. He would lose the flow and he would have to start again.

It did not matter how many times I would tell him that he needed to keep his feet on the pedal, he would still keep taking that foot off and that lead to me getting more and more frustrated with him, losing my patience, raising my voice slightly, all the usual ugly moments you wish you could go back and change.

After a little while of attempting this and repeating the phrase you need to keep your foot on the pedal to no avail, my lovely husband came outside and I exclaimed “I just need to go inside for a few moments!”

As I sat down exacerbated by really quite a short exchange I just felt God say “that’s what you do”. And as I thought about it I realised it is in so many situations. I request to do something, get all kitted out for it, get lined up to start, take a small motion towards it and then I take my foot off the pedal and God’s somewhere in the background shouting “STOP TAKING YOUR FOOT OFF THE FLIPPING PEDAL” – to be fair He probably isn’t shouting that but in my head that’s what I think he is shouting.

It’s so easy to lose momentum. Something gets hard. Something is boring. Something is frustrating, The weather changes. You get injured. People distract you. Life gets in the way. Another ‘thing’ needs our attention and it seems more important. Priorities get confused.

The thing is that I am sure that there are things in everyone’s life where we keep coming back to that very same issue, and keep making a start and then taking our feet off the pedal without even really meaning to sometimes. If you keep going round in the circle to the same situation chances are you keep starting and then stopping.

I can think of a few things where I do this but weight loss is the most obvious. It’s easily been 10 years of starting and stopping. Getting distracted, giving up, life causing issues, children. I’ve all the excuses in the world and many of them are justified but for me weight is an issue. It’s something that need to be dealt with. It’s a physical, emotional and spiritual area of my life which needs me discipline, attention and effort. I need to keep my foot on the pedal.
I’m doing better with this. I’ve got further than ever before but my mojo has disappeared a little. My discipline is lacking. My focus fuzz. My attraction to chocolate stronger. I need to spend time getting back that self control and discipline so that God doesn’t have to keep shouting to me about my feet on the pedals! I can’t do it alone but I’m so blessed to have friends and family who have my back and maybe I need to start by asking for help!

Keep your feet on the pedals because you never know just what you might achieve if you stop pulling it off at the most important moment. Just imagine the progress and then maybe gaffa tape your feet onto the pedal which I will confess was what I was tempted to do with the three year old!